Entry 165 - HBDC Slim Jim Contest 2006

HBDC Slim Jim Contest 2006

Okay, so I have this surplus of Slim Jim™ snacks that I’m blogging about. Not familiar with the snack? Here’s a quick blurb to get you up to snuff.

Slim Jim:

(n) 1. a tool used to surreptitiously open the door of an automobile. 2. a delicious, meat-like snack made popular in the early 1990’s by “The Macho Man” Randy Savage.

Some other facts for your perusal (from the label, natch):

Ingredients: Beef, mechanically separated chicken, water, salt, corn syrup, dextrose,
flavorings, spice, paprika, hydrolyzed corn gluten, soy and wheat gluten proteins,
sodium nitrite, lactic acid starter culture. contains soy and wheat.

ex. 1: A graph (of sorts) I’ve put together to frighten the vegans:

I’m just curious – why do they go out of their way to say both “spices” and “paprika”? And am I the only one who figures “mechanically separated chicken” is just a euphemism for
the employment of a chicken gun? “Contains soy and wheat.” Oh, gotcha. thanks for the heads-up, I might’ve started thinking this was bad for me.

Okay. Enough of the observational shtick; This is a contest. You might want to take
a second to eyeball the photo montage.

ex. 2a-d:

Got it? Okay. Allons-y, mon contestant. How many:

• Chicken beaks
• Cow udders
• 1980’s era Adidas™ shoelaces
• Slim Jims

are in this jar?

Okay okay, so you only have to guess the # of Slim Jims. Closest (lets say by five) gets the much sought-after hbdc prize pack, which includes:

• Monty Python’s Life of Brian on DVD (the real deal, still in plastic)
• A Candy Bar in the wrapper (It’s best if I surprise you on this one)
• A brand new Slate ‘n Black 32-ounce (1L) Widemouth Nalgene bottle
• Not one goddamned Slim Jim; they’re my gastrointestinal burden to bear

and–of course–my eternal gratitude for playing along. I’ll check back here next Tuesday (Jan 10th, 2006) and pick a winner. Two guesses and you’re out. And sorry, but if you live across an ocean, your out. I’ve got money, but not that kinda money.

---