Retail for the Mentally Competent: Day 1
Jackpot!
First day on the job:
- 18 year-old Eminem candyass dropout asks me to buy him beer (See fig. 1)
- Commended for taking a 15 minute break (instead of 30+, as everyone else apparently does)
- Some dizzy loon of a broad working in the food section actually asks if I’ve “brought JC into my heart” yet – hints at eternal damnation in response to my answer
- Asked to buy beer again by #1 douchebag (See fig. 1)
- Showed 20 year-old community college guy how to ride a pallet jack without breaking your neck
- Another completely different dizzy loon has it in her head that I’ll be doing her job for her (this might be fun)
- Asked to buy beer third time by same douchebag: was asked “why you hatin’?” – laughed heartily in his face (See fig. 1)
- Offered 40 bucks to set up someone’s WiFi (Workin’ in my Field! Woohoo!)
- Left with enormous bag of Twizzler’s Cherry Bites
- Felt sick while posting this entry
Yeap, shaping up nicely. Can’t say I wanna be at the register just yet – that looks like actual work. I also spent a few minutes thinkin' on an ad campaign to show my 'manager':
6 Missives So Far
01 anonymouscoworker said on Thu Jan 19 11:11:49 EST
Ha ha! Here's my suggestion...
Like Walmart but our customers can read.
02 Lacey said on Thu Jan 19 12:26:04 EST
Hilarious! You should pitch that to the corporate office. It would make more sense than those wacked out commercials with the new age-y music that end with "Target Dog!", and it would prey on people's need to be superior.
03 vanessa said on Fri Jan 20 15:07:59 EST
I'm still laughing... tell me, do you get to wear a cute little uniform? An apron perhaps? And will you be posting a picture of yourself in said uniform? Inquiring minds REALLY want to know! And in case you think I'm poking fun... well, really I *am*, but I do commiserate - an eon ago when I was working in Toys R Us we had to wear cute little aprons. And by cute I mean, royal blue and ugly... with Geoffrey the Giraffe on the back - not the giraffe mind you, but the name Geoffrey. You have no idea how many people would holler, "Heeeeey Geoffrey.." and expect me to turn around...
04 tfg said on Sat Jan 21 14:47:17 EST
When it comes to skidjack riding, I can highly recommend the mototrized variety. The added mass gives them the momentum required to destroy the things that you collide with.
05 josh said on Sat Jan 21 20:39:27 EST
v - No apron, just a red polo shirt. And if you want a picture that bad, I guess I'll have to NOT give you one. :)
And yes, man (Thanks Assclown!), Power jacks are okay... but if you REALLY want to be fired on the spot, run a stand up tow motor (reeking of ozone after being run at full tilt for ~10 minutes) into a double pallet of canned carbonated beverage (blades first).
That's like triple sevens in the 'immediate severance' sweepstakes.
And yes, I was once the winner.
06 prying1 said on Thu Jan 26 1:12:52 EST
I worked in a brand new (empty) warehouse for a small trucking company. We got the greatest kicks from roping a pallet jack to the back of a forklift. Want to talk about a wild ride.
You must realize this cement slab was like a gazillion sq. feet of empty space to our demented minds. Except for a pole here or there holding the roof up.
Name of the game was "Whip the rider!"
Wonder why no broken bones from that one? Was that one of those "God loves drunks and fools" things? We were both!
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